I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
