If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My dick has a subreddit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
