How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
