she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
