I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
