smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
