why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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