How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And then he peed in my hair
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