The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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