if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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