I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
