so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Randomize
