next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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