I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
