Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
