You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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