she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
