it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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