I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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