If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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