dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
