no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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