whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
