My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
