I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
