Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
