when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We don't watch enough power rangers
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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