Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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