Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
