I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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