woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
