If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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