420 ftw
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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