and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
