I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
