So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
