i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
