sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
