After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
