i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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