I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
