Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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