May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
