I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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