Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone signed my nipple.
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