omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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