You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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