I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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