Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
