Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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