I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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