Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
